BOE-FB_ThumbTurning 50 threw me for a loop. It felt as though everything changed overnight. 
In my 20s, 30s and 40s, I charged ahead with life, first throwing myself into my career — I worked as a magazine publisher — and then, in my late 30s, meeting my husband, getting married and having children. 
Those busy years almost seemed like one long decade, during which I didn’t feel any different about how I looked or acted. 
I never stopped to think about what impact the way I was living might have down the road.

Then, one day, I woke up and . . . I was 50. Suddenly, I would catch myself in the mirror and notice my drying skin, crow’s feet, the way my hair looked. I felt aches and pains for the first time. I also began to gain weight. 
It wasn’t a huge amount, but it was steady and showing no signs of slowing down. Weight gain can often be a part of the aging process, especially after women go through menopause. However, I remember reading somewhere that five pounds was an acceptable amount to gain, but anything more was another term for “letting yourself go.”

I knew that if changes weren’t made — and fast — I’d be heading into my 50s at a terrible disadvantage. Wanting to stay healthy, fit, energetic and productive for the rest of my life, I was ready to change — and possibly save — my life.
 I didn’t simply want to think, “I’m 50 now, that’s it, my life is over.” I wanted to be fearless after 50. There’s been a lot written about how women cease to exist once they hit this age. 
Despite our great consumer power, post 50 women are often dismissed as invisible, and seen as neither young nor interesting enough. This is so wrong, and I was depressed thinking that this was my future.

But, there was more…

woman runningWhen I turned 50, I found myself asking the ‘what if’ questions: What if I get sick or have a heart attack? What if I get Alzheimer’s? What if I get cancer? Do I already have cancer without knowing it? 
I looked around and people my age were having strokes, struggling with depression, developing diabetes. 
It’s not that younger people didn’t have some of these health concerns, but that after 50 they seemed all too common. And the closer I looked, the more I realized that many of these health issues were in my control. The more I thought about it, the more questions I had. I began to wonder if there were tests I should be getting and asking what I could do to make sure that I lived a healthy life.

Like many women, I had gone a long time without doing simple things that could positively affect my health. 
Many of us are part of the so-called sandwich generation — caught between looking after our children and caring for elderly parents — and I realized life had kept me busy taking care of others, yet failing to do the right things for myself.

Sleeping enough and exercising daily had come to seem like an indulgence, even as I made sure that my family was well-fed and well-rested. 
So I embarked on a quest to discover how ordinary women could look and feel their best in their 50s and beyond. 
I soon realized that what I wanted was the best information I could find. I began to contact beauty experts and financial experts. 
I talked to the renowned hairdresser Frederic Fekkai, and to fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg. 
I tracked down women’s health specialists and exercise gurus, nutritionists and make-up experts. And, after hearing their advice, I took it.

I started going for slow runs with breaks for walking every day and learned how to do push-ups and other exercises to prevent osteoporosis. I became such an outspoken proponent of preventing osteoporosis that I became the Bone Health Ambassador for the National Osteoporosis Foundation, and joined their board. 
I went for annual health checks. I changed the way I ate and dropped the bad habits I’d slipped into. 
Where I had once spent my time dieting instead of eating, I began to pay attention to what I ate and to eat something healthy and small every couple of hours. 
I even accepted the fact that my hair, which I had spent decades straightening, was naturally wavy and looked its best that way. And I didn’t just lose the 15 lbs. I gained, I dropped an entire pants size.

Marathon photoAlmost a decade later, I feel fitter then I have at any time in my life. 
More importantly, I found that I don’t only look and feel better, my health has improved. 
My cholesterol levels dropped and I even ran the New York City Marathon a few years ago to celebrate my 55th birthday and raise money for a very deserving charitable organization. 
And, while turning 50 gave me a shock, now that I am almost 60 I am happier than ever before.

I loved the earlier decades of my life but I rushed through them. I was more insecure then and less happy about how I looked and felt. 
Like many women, I sought approval from everyone except myself. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a woman who is brimming with confidence, enthusiasm, and energy. I am happy with who I am and with how I look — including my crow’s feet, which are a part of the story of my life.

So many of us fear aging when we should embrace it. But the greatest lesson I learned on my quest for reinvention is we need to feel comfortable in our own skin, whatever age we are. 
Whether you are 49, or 62, or 75, you need to decide that you are going to be the fittest, healthiest and best-looking 49, 62, or 75-year-old there is. 
For too long, women have been tricked into seeing 50 as the end of the road when, instead, we should be viewing it as the start of a new life, one in which we are truly comfortable with who we are. Instead of retreating from the world, we can embrace our place within it.

Turning 50 did more than save my life. It put me on the path to a new one.

27 comments

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I turned 50 this year and it has been the worst year of my life. I can’t seem to shake the fact that I feel old and though my life is over, in spite of the fact I look 40. I never had children and I feel a deep lose from not having
done so. I cannot shake this….

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Dana, have you considered therapy? I think about seeing a therapist. Between 30-50 doesn’t have to be the core of your life. The adults who I looked up to and respected from my youth are dying and it’s causing me deep internal thoughts (about life and death) that manifests as depression or maybe just feelings of melancholy. We can’t turn back time, we don’t get any do overs, but we can continue down this road of life being happy, finding purpose. Find your niche, something you enjoy. Volunteer. Work a part time job at a gym, or if you’re doing ok financially maybe a full time job at a gym. What I’m discovering now is that it’s important to make positive advancements for myself. Church is a great place to be fulfilled. Love yourself, take care of yourself, including your mental health. Best of life to you.

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I’m 51 and dreamed of having children go get an minature american eskimo puppy and you will have absolutley no regrets they are honestly human like it,ll be your best day ever just do it.

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This is not frivolous advice. Though I never dreamed of having children, I have always had dogs. They fill up your heart, your thoughts and your life. Pets of any kind bring love to your home.

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I just want to say that it sounds like there are a lot of depression related posts here. I MUST say that Hormones can NOT be overlooked at this age. I will be 50 in 2 months. Hormone replacement therapy saved me from darkness and confusion and made feel great and young again. There are many new forms of HRT that are so safe now. Protect your cardiac health, bones and mental health. Ask for HRT! It’s like having the light back in your life there is not need to suffer..

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I just turned 50 today and I’m going through a tough time. I have never had children, and do feel like I missed out, but I feel okay about it. My job is working for a company that rewards hostile behaviour by managers and is in a toxic workplace. I just lost my mother to cancer last August. Thinking I’m not in the place I want to be at 50. Rotten job that I hate, massive debt, tired. Things have to get better! So, in short you aren’t alone.

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((Dana)) I know how you feel! I don’t actually mind getting older – I’m over 50 now. I don’t mind the wrinkles, the “happy at home” feeling I never used to have, or even the invisibility factor! (Not that I like it, it just doesn’t faze me as much as I thought it would)
But, like you, I do mind not having children. I really wanted to but everything seemed to work against me – nobody can really understand unless they’ve gone through it.
I think that’s why getting older didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would, the worst had already happened! What’s a wrinkle or two compared to the pain of not having children when that’s what you really want? And I have felt invisible, or at the very least, misunderstood, emotionally for a long long time!
BUT
I went back to study at 53 and doors have opened for me that I could not have imagined opening before! I never really had a career before, and the work that I trained for is meaningful for me.
I know nothing can really make up for that loss, but someone said to me once that wanting what you have is so much more important than having what you want. Freedom and happiness are a state of mind. As corny as it sounds, I meditate every day and talk to whatever that higher power is. I always feel understood doing that, and it eases the pain.
I read your reply and just really wanted to send you a hug and say you’re not alone!

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I really enjoyed reading this article because I too will be turning 50 this year and feel really miserable about it.. but in fact looking at what you have written does make me realise its all about attitude. It seems that life goes so quickly and all of a sudden you are older! thank you.

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It’s a tough bridge that you have no choice but to cross. Hard to reflect on where you thought you would be and reconcile it with where you are, especially if that is not a good place.

I found your blog uplifting, helps knowing we are not alone. Making small changes and starting with finding some time just for yourself is a good thing.

Thank you for sharing.

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I guess the dread of turning fifty is so universal in all parts of the world. At fifty i have put on tremendous amount of weight. I shun all the people I used to know when a was slim and young. Thanks for sharing at least i now know that i am not alone and there are somethings that i need to do in order to get back to living a happy and healty life

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Oh wow . . . this was the perfect article! Thank you so much. Someone recently told me that once I turn 50 terrible things would start to happen and if I think I am not doing well now to just wait and I’ll see. What? No . . . That’s not how I want to look at my future. In fact, I refuse to accept that. IF things go bad for me, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. BUT, for now, I’m gonna apply every thought in this article. AND, I’m going to be happy. Life is too short to worry about such things. I’m not saying depression, and age check is not real . . . I was in a severe depression about it recently, but once this person delivered that message of doom . . . I was like . . . No, I’m not going to just sit back and feel like my beauty, intelligence, and worth is gone. No. And ladies, you shouldn’t either . . . There are some substantial thoughts in some of the comments above. You’ve got this.

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Thank you for this article. I turn 50 tomorrow and it’s killing me. I would love to know the answers and responses to all the research you talked about in this post: all the experts, health gurus, hair specialist… What they had to say. I could use hearing the advice given you and how you started on that path. I need to hear it.

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Divorced in my 40’s and now just turned 50 and in a de facto with a 29 yr old for the last 6 yrs and people assume we are the same age. I dont regret gettiing older. I have embraced it full on. I am the captain of my ship and i am independant to steer it wherever i want it to go and no way going backwards. I have and still cleansing my life of all unwanted garbage material and emotional that I have accumulated in the past years. Not an easy task to do and believe me it has it highs and low. They say 50 is the new 30 and physically thanks to my genes and a positive frame of mind i stand proud amongst the 20,30,40 age group. I am an immature 50 and as long I think that and not act it hhhh Im always going to be forever young. I had my daughter at 40 without complications pushed her out in 20 mins without toomuch fuss just to prove to my OB that i can do what any 20 or 30 yr old can do and better. Mind over matter and thats my story. I have never felt so calm in my life now and at peace at 50 and wondered how the hell did I survive my 20,30 and 40’s with all that stress and abusing my body. Dont get me wrong there are days when im sick with the flu that I feel like a 70 yr old hhhh but that thought passes and I will myself to get better. Realistically I know I have 25-30 yrs before one succumbs to old age ailments but in my mind bring it on. The day my body gets put into a box is the day I finish living on this earth and looking forward to paradise in heaven. So 50+’s start living and stop thinking about being old. Lucky for us we have reached that milestone and just look around they are dropping dead young. Even my young lover I tell him just because Im older doesnt mean I’ll die first hhhh so cheers to the fabulous 50’s dare to live dare to love. God bless you all

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I am turning 50 in a week and not sure how to feel about it. Part of me internally thinks – I have reached a pinnacle moment in my life and it’s getting really clear what’s important to me, I am starting to make better and more guilt free decisions about who to spend time with and what I really want now. On the other hand, I fear the public judgment from others – even family! – and I want to hide my age and not tell anyone or celebrate it in a quiet way which doesn’t seem very celebratory if you feel the need to keep it under a lid!!! So, I’m pulled between a few directions and perspectives on the topic. I’m also a musician and performer and questioning myself about where I can go from here and if it’s possible anymore. I have a band that’s been alive and well for 8 plus years and have not reached the kind of success I’ve wanted to yet, but have not given up and believe very much in my music. Still, I feel uncertain and wonder how I’ll manage through the music industry without having to reveal my age for fear of judgment. There are more and more artists who are 50 and up performing which helps and I plan on being one of those successful ones soon!

Otherwise, I keep myself in shape and have gained a few pounds but still look good and young for my age. I thank God for that! One of my jobs is teaching dance which keeps me fit and the other is teaching singing which keeps me musically motivated. I’m grateful for both.

I’m not sure where I’m going exactly and won’t be having kids in this lifetime which I grieve about occasionally, but know that maybe I need to live the life I want and couldn’t do that if I had kids.
I did not grow up and experience a normal childhood, but a very painful and dysfunctional time of not having fun as a child, but surviving physically and emotionally. So, I need to live my own childhood that I never had. It’s a tough one, that issue. But, like Dolly Parton has said, her songs are her babies!

I only share that I am going to be 50 with my most trusted and supportive friends and my fiancé who is supportive, though he is self conscious of his own age of 46. Sometimes, I’ve gotten scared about being attractive enough or still worthy of his attention as I’ve aged, but have evidence that he loves me no matter what even if he has vanity – and I appreciate that. All in all, I support all women who are going through the same stage of life and say this – you and I are alive and ALL people grow older. This is a part of life. I am proud of persevering trough some very difficult trials in my life and made it through. I know what makes me feel good and plan to keep seeing the joys in small things and surround myself with only loving people as much as possible. Happy 50th to me, to you and to whatever year you’re at. It all matters and so do you!

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Like you, I hit many milestones between 20 and 49 and rarely stopped to ponder about what life might look like on the other side of 50. At 49, I panicked. 50 just sounded awful (and it sitll does, to a certain extent – I tend to forget my age more often than not). I decided to do two things on my 50th birthday: leave my full time job and freelance and start a blog on the challenges and pleasures of getting older with my best friend, who lives on a different continent.
Now, at 52, closing in on 53, I feel and look great (despite mentally still struggling with every little sign of aging). It hasn’t been a smooth process but one I managed trying to understand everything that was happening to me. Your book sounds like a great resource and I will invest in it.
To me, the biggest challenge was how to keep on feeling relevant in a society that prizes youth and where middle/older age doesn’t look like I feel.

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Thank you for sharing your insights and energy! Truly realistic and positive. Fibromyalgia came on in my 40s and many days I’ve felt like I’m in my 80s already! :-/ The journey has not been fun, but my positive attitude and energy has made it as fun as possible. Thank God for my supportive husband, family and friends. I feel loved. I had to open up and share to let them into my world for this experience. What a joy! What pains and sorrow too. Frustrations with limitations, but what a ride!! I’ll be 50 next year – ugh! Since I’ve been 49 I’ve started going back to my chiropractor along with a massage therapist (they go together) and this has truly helped my health issues a lot! Diet is easier to control, exercise, not as much. Stretching and yoga helps. My goal is to jog again in my 50s! I love jogging and miss it very much! It’s still a little ways off. My realization too, is that I’m becoming the elder in my family. With that comes wisdom and experiences to share. It’s a new life, a new journey, and thank you for sharing to love the skin you’re in! Be comfortable and stay positive and confident. I will be 50! I will remain positive! I will do my stretches, eat healthy and live and love life to the fullest every day. No do-overs! No regrets – move on and be current! Everything happens for a reason, and I’m still figuring out things. Many things. 😉

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Thank you for sharing your insights and energy! Truly realistic and positive. Fibromyalgia came on in my 40s and many days I’ve felt like I’m in my 80s already! :-/ The journey has not been fun, but my positive attitude and energy has made it as fun as possible. Thank God for my supportive husband, family and friends. I feel loved. I had to open up and share to let them into my world for this experience. What a joy! What pains and sorrow too. Frustrations with limitations, but what a ride!! I’ll be 50 next year – ugh! Since I’ve been 49 I’ve started going back to my chiropractor along with a massage therapist (they go together) and this has truly helped my health issues a lot! Diet is easier to control, exercise, not as much. Stretching and yoga helps. My goal is to jog again in my 50s! I love jogging and miss it very much! It’s still a little ways off. My realization too, is that I’m becoming the elder in my family. With that comes wisdom and experiences to share. It’s a new life, a new journey, and thank you for sharing to love the skin you’re in! Be comfortable and stay positive and confident. I will be 50! I will remain positive! I will do my stretches, eat healthy and live and love life to the fullest every day. No do-overs! No regrets – move on and be current! Everything happens for a reason, and I’m still figuring out things. Many things. 😉

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Hello,
I truly LOVED this article. I will be turning “50” next year…Praise God! I truly feel deep within as if my LIFE is just starting and I am starting to “SETTLE IN ON LIFE”….Everything is not PERFECT, but I feel a sense of peace, new strength on the inside and like I am on my way to fulfilling another half of my DESTINY. Starting to put together a daily routine, which I never had; I was just running all over the place like a chicken with my head cut off LOL, now trying to eat a little better, get some exercise in and just LIVE, LAUGH and LOVE MORE…
THIS ONE PART OF YOUR ARTICLE JUST ADDED FUEL TO MY FIRE AND, THE VERY WORDS I NEEDED, but could not pull together…
“I loved the earlier decades of my life but I rushed through them. I was more insecure then and less happy about how I looked and felt. 
Like many women, I sought approval from everyone except myself. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a woman who is brimming with confidence, enthusiasm, and energy. I am happy with who I am and with how I look” When I read this I was like THANK YOU JESUS…I even wrote it down to put it on my “New Life” board I am creating to put on my wall…
Thank you for this article…I HOPE ALL WOMEN FIND THE PEACE, JOY, CONTENMENT, STRENGTH AND NEW LIFE THEY NEED WITHIN TO LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE TURNING “50” AND AFTER “50” I’m already starting to PLAN my 50th Bday party…It will be GREAT, cause I am at PEACE within NOW!!!
Thanks again for this article. God Bless and Live, Laugh and LOVE even more… Don’t waste any days, moments, or time on what could have been or should have been. LIVE in your moments of 50, not like you are 16, 21, 30, 40 or even 45, but like you are 50 and the best thing since Chocolate Mousse Cake LOL!!! ENJOYYYYYYYYYYYY LIFEEEEEEE!!! Who cares what the WORLD thinks about being “50”…It what you THINK about being “50”.

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Impressive article, it makes me wonder how will I feel once I approach 50. My husband turned 50 not two months ago and had a similar reaction in the mirror. He now is completely relaxed and enjoys it!

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I too just turned 50, and it’s interesting reading about those who are mulling over decisions about having children. I have one son who had some very difficult issues growing up – learning disabilities, neurological disorders, etc. My ex husband was borderline abusive, and I kicked him (the sperm donor) out when I turned 40 to ensure we would be safe to focus on my son’s demanding issues, which took nearly all my time and energy when I wasn’t holding down 2 jobs to keep food on our table. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and have no regrets about him, but it was not the fairy tale I thought I was signing up for. But what I’ve realized is nobody – NOBODY – gets the fairy tale they sign up for. We get our lives, in all their messy glory, and we earn our courage and strength in the living out of our own circumstances and trials. Our stories are far more interesting at this stage of our lives than fairy tales anyway. My son’s life has calmed down, just in time for him to leave for college. I’m proud of him, but can’t shake the feeling that my life is just about to begin again, this time just for me. I haven’t really had that yet. What a gift! I will be reading the blogs of 60 year olds to find out what wonderful things are in store for me in this decade…

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I just turned 50 two days ago! I’ve accepted the fact that I’m 50 and I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons. I’m feeling blue, because I have no job, and just had back surgery. Once I’ve healed I have to get a job. I’ve always wanted to be a nurse, so I decided to take the exam twice and each time I’ve failed drastically in math. I’m scared it’s going be a long haul. Help relive this tension! Help me to find my way!

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I’m writing and singing the best songs of my life, now that I am 50+. My daughter and I write, sing and perform together too. It’s an incredible experience I wouldn’t trade for anything.

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Wow, nice family, Bob, Can you share us your video about these song you and your daugter write and sing together? I think many people love it so much..

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I really enjoyed reading this article because I too will be turning 60 this year and feel really miserable about it.. but in fact looking at what you have written does make me realise its all about attitude. I don’t know how to be stronger. my hand, my body, and my mine are seem slower. but I hate it. although thanks you !!

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Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will soon be turning 49 years old and I can’t believe what a struggle it has been. I weigh 140 lbs and I always weighed between 127 and 132 lbs. My eyes hollowed out for some unexplainable reason. Anyway, I never thought that would happen to me. I always felt so young! Anyway, your story is inspirational and I’m headed back to dance class to work off the excess weight and I guess fillers for my hollowed out eyes? Life is not over for me. Somewhere deep inside me I know I can enjoy my life again and have a blast again! Thank you so much for your story and by the way, you look gorgeous! 😀👍

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Hi Ann,
I hope you stay in touch. Have you subscribed? And you can also connect with me on Facebook and Twitter.
It’s never too late to love your age, feel good, get strong, and take charge of your life. I know you can.
All best,
Barbara

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I enjoyed reading this article. I will be turning 50 in 2 days. I have been looking forward to it because I have had some really tough years and wondered if I would even make it. Overall, I feel pretty good about where I am today and even though, I initially wanted to celebrate my 50th birthday, surrounded by lots of family members and friends, I am going to enjoy it with my husband. We are going to make it an all year celebration! I am truly Blessed to have my husband, son and both parents and siblings are all living in the same state. We can visit from time to time. There are things that I yet have to accomplish and I am certain that they will be done! My husband and I became debt free a few years ago and plan to start renovating our home and taking weekend getaways whenever possible. Thank you again for this article and I wish you and yours well! 😊

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