Hi Everyone,
I went to an author talk last night at Barnes & Noble. It was . . . disconcerting.
The book was “Face It” and the authors are two former models, now in their mid-50s, who are both therapists. It was refreshing to hear them admit that women in their 50s (and over) are in a “beauty bind.” In the past, women (like our grandmothers) aged together. The playing field was level. Very few of them had the option to have any kind of plastic surgery. Now? We can choose between going forth with a wrinkled brow . . . or not. What to do?
Full disclosure: I have nothing against plastic surgery (nor do the authors). I haven’t had any, nor have I taken the Botox route. But I might. Sometimes I look tired, even when I’m not, and that bothers me. I don’t want to look younger, just not tired, and there, I think, lies part of the issue.
It’s when a woman feels she MUST look younger than she is to compete for
a man
a job
a spot in the world without feeling invisible
. . . that she does things she may not want to do (like plastic surgery). The authors also pointed out that if a woman feels she is aging and is losing the battle to compete, she can get depressed and engage in unhealthy and counter-productve behaviors like drinking too much and developing eating disorders that are normally associated with much younger women. Why, why, why would we do that to ourselves?
The author talk made me feel very down last night. It started me thinking about all the ways the media makes us feel like aging is such a horrible thing. Books with titles like “How Not to Look Old” and magazine covers and ads with perfect, young bodies and faces, just perpetuates the belief that “young is better.” Yes, it’s always been like this, but the means to achieve a more youthful look have never been more accessiblethan they are now. All you have to do is go to a Botox Party.
When I woke up this morning, I felt very different. I decided that this was a kind of wake up call to me, and to all women, no matter what our ages!
What I mean is: it’s time to re-frame how we look at how we look. We can’t look 20 when we’re 40, because we’re not. We can’t look 30 when we’re 50, because we’re not. I’m not saying to give up and give in! Far from it! I’m saying that your goal should be — no matter what your age — to be healthy, fit, fantastic, and fearless! Be gorgeous at 50, based on what a gorgeous 50 year old should look like! You can’t be 30. It simply isn’t possible. And, if you make “looking 30” or even just “looking younger” your goal . . . you’re in for a lot of heartache. You know that whole “50 is the new 40” thing? It’s crap. It’s nonsense. It’s not true. “50 is the new 50,” “60 is the new 60” . . . and so on.
Embrace, engage, take control, and LIVE your life. Take care of your body, exercise your mind, be a part of the world, and I promise you — wrinkles and all — you will be the most glorious woman alive!!
Best of everything,
Barbara
